Kentucky Fried Death

Kentucky Fried Kicken

Well, the grim hand of death has tapped the Colonel on the shoulder and not even a secret blend of 12 spices and ingredients couldn't save the place on Chandler. The Yelp reviews were atrocious. At there 3 times in 15 years. Was ok. Poor Colonel. Poor chicken. Poor Ahwatukee....

Boston Market

Boston Market in Ahwatukee is no more and is deader than the Boston Tea Partiers. I went there like twice in 15 years - drove by it 10,000 times, but stopped twice. Since they had the Mac and Cheese in a box at the grocery store - what was the point? Good corn bread cant save you. Sure the national chain has issued BUT - they didn't close em all - just the sucky ones. The Bony Hand of Ahawatukee restaurant death has clenched around another throat and killed yet another victim.

Who's next?

- Death

update - papa chevos resurrected

It's open in a new location in the mall closed to I-10. Death fails today....

Death has returned to Ahwatukee - and he's not happy...

Well, casual readers may think that the pace of restaurant death in Ahwatukee has slowed, but it has not! Death is alive and well! (that's funny!) in the Tuk. I've been busy, but with the bodies stacked like cordwood - I though I'd have to put pen to parchment.

Sun Cup Café - on the famed "Intersection of Death" at Desert Foothills and Chandler - didn't even last a year. Never went there. Don't have an opinion, but have some advice - don't open anything food related on the corner of Death and Disaster

Perfect Pair - guess where this one was located? C'mon take a guess? Want a hint? THE INTERSECTION OF DEATH! They have another location in Chandler that is still open, but this one has shuffled off it's mortal coil and departed as of May 2019. Has been been 3  by my count in the last 10 years or so. The food was like your mom would make on a good day. Meh. Grilled cheese etc. 

Papa Chevo's - was a Baja Fresh before that. Something else before that. And something else before that. All very memorable as you can see. Again, never went there, seemed sporadically busy, as in sporadic enough not to make it. 

The world largest cul-du-sac now boasts a Subway sandwich shop and a McDonalds and a Chicago Pizza place. That's it. Coupla limp attempts at bars and that's it. You'll have to travel to Chandler or Tempe to eat. 

55,000 people cant support any good place for any length of time. Death has spoken, and he is loud. Waffle House - hang in there buddy....

Quiz-NO

Quizno's - on the cursed corner of death by the Desert Foothills / Chandler road Safeway intersection has gone to the ovens. I went there once since it was opened, and they seemed nice enough, but no promotion and a Subway 52 feet away probably did them in. Also - let's not forget the stank on that corner - where every restaurant is one of two things - dead, or dying.

This is the beginning of the end for Ahwatukee.

The lady that cuts my hair said she was moving to another salon because there was no place left to get lunch on that end of Chandler, and business was dropping off. When you can't sell $10 haircuts the bell is ringing for you.

Quizno's - we hardly knew ya. Ahwatukee - ditto...

Unwined has Unwound. There will be no whining.

I have to admit - the owners of this place must have had balls of Kryptonite to open up here. This place has been at least 5 restaurants in the last 8 years. Nothing sticks - and nothing ever will. This location must be truly haunted - it is in a busy mall with lots of parking. I think the problem is that nobody works around there anymore. For crissakes the Jack In the Box across the street has been closed for 5 years! If it wasn't for Safeway anchoring the site, this end of Ahwatukee would close down. There needs to be a reason for people that DON'T live here to come down here to spend money. And there is nothing on this corner that even comes close. I hate to say "I told you so" but, I told you so. Unwined has unwound and has joined the choir invisible. Death is working overtime in Ahwatukee this year. Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Patron is for drinking. Loco is for Death

Another Ahwatukee restaurant has slipped under the desert sand and is pushing up the cacti. Loco Patron on the cursed corner (restaurant cemetery) at Desert Foothills and Chandler Blvd has bit the big one and choked down it's last chimichanga. Which is Spanish for the "the death that won't go down easily". Long known as "the place that you went to when everything else was closed and you really didn't care anymore", Loco Patron was the hangout for the residents of Ahwatukee that couldn't find a compass to point themselves east to better venues. Absolutely nobody will miss this place as the blanket of restaurant death covers another victim in the Tuk. The only surprise about this place going down is that it has lasted more than 2 years on this corner. NOBODY else has. Ahwatukee slips further from relevance, and is well on it's way to becoming an exit off the new freeway. When will the first bail bondsmen or pawn shop move in? Only time will tell......

Papa Murphy's - Death at 425 Degrees - Ahwatukee Location to Close

Ok Bob - what have you got for a new pizza concept?

Boss - I got a winner! A certified, gold plated winner!

I'm all ears Bob - what IS IT?

We create a pizza place where customers buy the pizza raw and have to cook it themselves!

Why would someone want to do that? Is it cheaper?

Nope - it's actually more expensive!

Well, does it taste better made at home?

Nope, amateurs cook it at home in ovens that can't get a high enough temperature!

Well, is it faster?

Nope, between watching it be made, taking it home and cooking it, it takes way longer!

So Bob, I'm confused - why would something like this be successful?

Boss - we tell 'em that if they don't buy it and cook it at home, they don't love their family.

Bob?

Boss?

You're fired.

The Little Cheese Shop that Couldn't

The Wedge and Bottle Cheese Shop in Ahwatukee has slipped under the waves and is no more. This place was actually great - and didn't deserve to end up in the Ahwatukee Bowl Swirler. Sandwiched between a pop-up vacuum repair place and a dog food store, you knew that death was going to visit sooner or later. It closes for good on June 30th. Too big to fail? Too good to fail? Too small to matter? It matters not in the Tuk....

Arbys - Thinly Sliced Death

The Arby's at Chandler and 42nd has ground to a thinly sliced halt and is no more. Signs down, building gutted within minutes of closing. Arby's was always one of those "once a year" places - and I guess I wasn't the only one. The funeral pyre created some curly smoke, but alas - this one is done. The Beast that is Ahwatukee claims another soul....

Fresh and Dead

While not necessarily a restaurant, the Fresh and Easy in the mall on 48 and Ray with the Goodwill has put on it's organic Birkenstocks for the last time. Had a good selection of pre-made dinners and sides that were good for the college crowd, but alas, when you give away $20 of coupons with every $10 purchase you may have a problem with your business model. This one has obtained nirvana and shifted to another state of consciousness. Ahwatukee claims another victim....

The King is Dead! Long Live - well, nobody...

Burger King on Chandler Blvd. In the Frys  grocery mall is dead and gone. Even fast food run by a king comes to Ahwatukee to die. Hard to believe the desolation that has become Chandler Blvd west of I-10. Will post when first pawn shop or bail bonds move into the Tuk. With two Goodwills, it can't be far off...

Genghis Gone

The demise of Ghenghis Grill served to ensure a perfect match between the amount of people clamoring for Mongolian food and the amount of Mongolian restaurants in Ahwatukee. Any time u take the concept of fast food and make it take longer to cook and more complex to eat you are sure to become a victim. Genghis Khan still wants his royalty check - and he's pissed. Get out the formaldehyde - this one's done....

I've Got a Secret!

Guess my secret! What was once Cuban,  then New Mexican, then Mexican, then a Cantina and  then dead? You guessed it - Secretos! The secret is out and it wasn't a good one. Went once, not twice and I guess I wasn't the only one. As I always say - if you come to Akwatukee, make sure you open up a Mexican restaurant. There aren't enough of 'em already. Secretos has had its green card revoked and is horizontal....

Allo? Allo? Mimi?

Mimi est mort! French themed Mimi's  died a twisting screaming death. Unnoticed and unloved, restaurant was the equivalent of the fat girl at the bar at closing time. Dozens of old ladies will have nowhere to get muffins now. You will be missed - as we drive to other restuarants... 

My Big Fat Greek Gurgling Death

Why did the little Greek boy not want to leave home? Because his restaurant bit the dust. Cursed location on corner next to Safeways dies a slow, miserable, twisting - but expected death. Opah!!!!!!'

Beijing Beijing is Dead Dead

Beijing Beijing is dead dead. In the mall beside Walgreens and the already dead jack in the box, b2 slipped under the waves and is no more. The stench of death on this corner is indeed foul - baba loos, jack in box, cold stone, the Italian place, the slice pizza place and Jackie chans Chinese... Amongst auslers grill and more. Bring out your dead.... Bring out your dead....

Baja Fresh has assumed the horizontal position...

Death comes slowly in the night. Baja Fresh on Chandler and 43rd beside Papa Johns has joined the invisible choir......quality had been sliding for years, and tainted with the stink of the deal of the day coupon plague....it was just a matter of time....

Death comes with Flair

Appleby's in Ahwatukee was visited by the specter of death. Was on chandler and 46th in the mall beside equally dead fire and ice. Vene vidi deceased.

Death comes for Barro pizza

In the mall with goodwill. Soon to be turned into an outdoor karting track staffed by the Montessori kids. Sheesh even my insurance agent left.......